Identity Hunting

Will you find yourself in times of trouble?

(Photo Credit - Gihan Bandara - Pexels)

Looks like boomers are also interested in self-exploration! It's good to see that my generation is reaching out to coaches and counselors, not because they have a specific issue, but purely to improve themselves. Personal growth is a lovely thing - for you and for everyone around. No question about that.

One of the top questions I get asked is "can you help me figure out who the hell I am?"

Boomers have a different work-ethic - 10-12 hours a day is not uncommon. They got lost in the work, raising a family, getting promoted, and achieving milestones. Suddenly, they find retirement is getting closer and within a decade, they'd better have an exit strategy. Hence, a bit of existential trepidation.

Successful coaching/counseling will address a big question:

Who are you? What is your identity?

It's not 100% about what you do, your profession, or your hobbies. One opportunity to find your true self/identity or self-concept is when you are going through stress. Those who experience high stress often are also on the higher end of the neuroticism scale. We all oscillate somewhat between the poles of perfect emotional stability and complete emotional chaos, hopefully without touching either extreme. Studies show that stress is also negatively related to self-concept clarity - in simple terms, high stress means low self-concept or identity clarity. So how do we find out about ourselves during times of trouble?

How do you respond to stress? What are your immediate feelings & thoughts? What words come out and in what tone of voice?

One thing that comes out is repressed emotions. That's the time to take a step back and think - where the heck did that come from? All that you are hiding deep in the unconscious is also part of your identity - it shapes you. So if you are on a journey of personal growth, pay attention to your immediate emotions, thoughts, and reactions.

Relationships thrive when people & reactions are predictable. When your identity is known, your partner & children will not walk on eggshells, friends will be open and free. Mental health, for the most part, depends on the quality of your relationships.

Make the next stressful situation/encounter a teacher. Let it teach you about who you really are. Let it show you where you need to heal.

If you let your career or profession determine your identity, you will be lost when you have it no more. What you have is who you are in spite of your work.